3 Ways to Preserve Your Peace
It’s 2021 and dating is still predominately online- at least the initial phases of it anyway, thanks to Covid 19. I know online dating has been around since the mid-90’s, but although I wasn’t single until recently, I still think things have changed over the past year.
The whole aspect of it is very intense, and as a highly sensitive person (HSP), empath, and intuitive, it has some additional challenges. As I navigate through the process, I thought it might be useful to others to share ways I am developing to keep my peace.
One, practicing discernment isn’t the same as judgement. Consider that for a moment and recognize that hitting the “X” isn’t a mark against their goodness. It’s simply exercising an awareness of what aspects of a person are important to you. You are not saying they aren’t a good person, you’re saying they don’t match the qualifications you have decided are essential to you. Even after having communications with them, letting them know that you don’t wish to continue pursuing a relationship needn’t feel as though you’ve dealt them a death blow. You don’t owe them anything other than a polite, respectful, clear, and decisive: “this isn’t going to work for me” or whatever you’ve decided on as a way to say you’re done. Even when they whine, beg or plead that they are really wonderful if you’d just give them a chance. Trust. Your. Instincts.
Two, taking breaks from interacting on the dating apps is important. Giving yourself a specific time window to interact on the apps is a great way to limit the potential for overwhelm. Decision fatigue is real, and it’s especially wearing on empaths since it takes frequent reminders that you can’t choose everyone (obviously, right?), it’s ok to choose “no”, and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t spend more than a few minutes swiping, and set a time for how long you’ll spend communicating with people. Of course once you’ve chosen who to interact with, you need to gain more information to decide whether to continue to communicate or not. It could become a full time job, and since I’m guessing it’s not your job, don’t let it take over your whole life – either in reality, or emotionally. Do other things that bring you joy and remind you that you’re a whole and complete person who doesn’t actually NEED a partner to be happy and fulfilled.
Three, spend time with friends and family who support you. Being around them will remind you of the kind of vibration you’re looking to add to your circle. Look to these healthy relationships for evidence of how you are loved and appreciated exactly as you are, with no need to change anything. Approaching online dating (any relationship really) from a place of abundance, connection, and love is infinitely better than coming from lack and desperation. Practice loving yourself and seeing yourself as those who care for you see you. Be positive, open, and expecting good things and that is what you will find, without fail. Even if it looks different than what you anticipated.
Bottom line, remind yourself of your inherent goodness regularly, continue being kind and considerate, notice when you need to ramp up your self-care, and seek supportive connection with your trusted friends and family. It can be fun if you take it at your own pace.
Good luck out there! I’ll share more tips as they come up.