Stop Taking Poison Expecting Other People to Suffer
For me, one of the most challenging parts of being in relationship with others is that you have to let them take their journey for themselves. Regardless of what I may think, I have no control over how they react, what they say, how they process, or how they move forward, NONE. My thoughts on someone else’s life are completely irrelevant. This has come up for me recently in the context of forgiveness. Specifically, when conflict arises how does one truly forgive and move forward?
Nobody is immune from conflict with others. Conflicts come in many forms and in many different types of relationships. Whether it’s a child, parent, teacher, boss, lover, etc. you’re going to deal with conflict at some point in your life. What makes conflict particularly challenging is that you have zero control over another’s engagement and whether you will receive an apology. The best part? You get to decide whether you require an apology and what that actually means to you. Aren’t relationships fun?! YAY! Haha.
Throughout the years, in many of my relationships, I’ve struggled with whether an apology is required in order for me to find peace and forgive them. I’ve played this game both ways, I’ve had a direct conversation with the individual and I’ve also played along with the other party as though nothing’s happened. My preference is being direct and that has always led to the best outcome for me. I feel out-of-sorts when I can’t confront things head on. But what happens if the other party doesn’t want to participate? What if you reach out and get crickets? What then? Does it matter? Do you simply bury your head in the sand and decide to stay angry or bury your feelings and play along as if nothing happened?
Suprisingly, the other party’s participation is completely irrelevant to which path you choose! If you’re feeling wronged, you must first identify what you’re truly feeling and why you are feeling that way. From there, you have a choice. Are you going to let your aggrieved feelings take away your peace or are you going to reach for a better feeling emotion? Although a common knee-jerk reaction may be to request an apology and wait for one, you must decide what you’re going to do if one is never coming. Spoiler alert, staying angry is not the answer!
It may feel counterintuitive, but when you choose anger over forgiveness, YOU are the only person that truly suffers. Staying in anger allows others to occupy your mind space and it results in you giving away your power. Keep beating the drum of anger, you’re going to get more anger! There’s a huge price that you pay for that. It’s akin to taking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.
So how do you find peace in conflict? You must clear the emotional space that has been taken up within you. You must face your emotions on your own despite the other party’s involvement. After you ask yourself what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way, attempt to describe the situation in a neutral manner. Can you write about it devoid of emotion? Can you tell somebody without inflammatory language? No? Okay, you’ve got more work to do. Kick and scream a little more and then try again. You must get yourself to the point where you can describe the event as neutral. From there, the real healing can begin.
I have a step-by-step process that I’ve used to clear some major conflicts in my life. It starts with a willingness within me to feel less angry and a desire to regain my peace. While it’s not possible to outline the entire process here, above is an excellent starting point! If any of this resonates with you, I also have an invitation for you to get you further along in your healing journey.
On December 7th, from 7:30-8:30 pm Kristi and I are offering a FREE virtual Divine Diva Mini-Experience. This channeled immersive art experience can facilitate you getting to the place where you’re willing to release any stuck emotions buried within. From there, you choose how to move forward, and you can take your next steps with greater clarity and an anchoring to the Divine. Please join us in opening your heart, filling you with light, and safely and gently removing your roadblocks. If you’re ready to start bringing your life to the next level head-on, this event is for you!
This event will not be recorded. Please click here to RSVP. We hope to see you there!
With love and light,
Amy